Oy

I am having such a hard time with the no smoking thing this week. I am staying strong. So far anyways. It's been such a stressful week it's all Ive thought about the last couple days. So as a detourent I have been trying to keep myself somewhat busy. I cooked breakfast yesterday morning, cleaned up, made chili put that in the crockpot, cleaned up. Then cleaned the house, did most of the laundry, braved Walmart & Costco in the middle of the afternoon, and still going nuts. It's been 2 1/2 months and I'm fighting through it, because once I cheat, there's no going back.

We have been mulling around the idea of going to the in laws house for a visit. I was trying to escape here for thanksgiving, but that's not going to happen because we decided to save the money and go in about 3 weeks, just before Xmas. They have a Xmas party and the whole neighborhood decorates so I think it would be fun. At least just to get away for a few days. I wish we could do both, but that's not going to happen. Maybe it's just this time I've year, maybe I just hate thanksgiving and think its a pointless holiday, other then the fantastic shopping on Friday. It's just to much shit has happened this time of year and it makes me down. I start feeling better closer to Xmas and am happy to hang with the family then, just not right now.

So, a couple weeks ago we gave dipshit money for a car ( happy birthday, merry Xmas, happy graduation). You would think this would have gotten him off our asses, however now the car is broken. And not just broken, it fucked up like we have to take it in and have it looked at to see how extensive the engine damage is. Gee how much is this going to cost us, cause shithead still isn't working enough and now is car less. I wonder how long that's going to last before he's whining about needing a car. Either way it going to end up costing me money. I liked it when they were fighting, he didn't come around for a couple months and it was nice.

OK

Well thank god it happened quickly yesterday and not today.  I came home early yesterday and so did the hubby so we could tell the kids.  I let the girl go with her dad and we broke the news to the boy.  He reacted like I thought he would.  Really didn't have much to say, and was a bit uncomfortable with the situation.  And that's OK.  How else should an 8 year old act.  The girl came home, and I made sure the boy was in the shower so we wouldn't be interrupted.  I tell you, she reacted better then I thought she would.  The hubby explained things to her, she cried for about 45 minutes, then we just sat together and watched TV for a while.  We all went to bed and things were fine with the kids this morning.  I on the other hand am fine, but I just couldn't get motivated to get my ass out of bed and dressed.  So I took a day to myself to watch movies in bed and be a bum.  Plus I have had this freaking headache for 2 days now, which I'm sure is caused by stress.  It feels like someone is sitting on my head.  The funeral is on Tuesday, why Tuesday, I have no idea, but it saves me from having to make the decision of taking the kids or not.  They will be in school so that takes care of that.  Well Time to go, but thought I would just give a quick update.

Time.

This has been quite a rough week so far. My grandpa is dying. I am not good with death. I don't know if it's because I haven't had to deal with it much, or if it's just my personal preference. I got away with avoiding my other grandparents death because I was pregnant and everybody left me alone, didn't pressure me about going to the funeral and I was fine with that. I don't need "closure" like some people do. I would prefer to remember them the way they were and not in a box. My dad was a different circumstance. He was young, and went quick. It was more shocking then anything. I still felt no need to go to his funeral, however I had to. So I sucked it up and went. Now that's the last memory I have and it really sucks. This morning we all went to the hospital and the doctor said there was nothing they could do. So thank god my grandma agreed to take him off all his meds and just keep him comfortable. Now we are just waiting. I am hoping it's fast. I'm hoping it's today rather then tomorrow because the step kids birthday is tomorrow and my dad already died on the othe step kids birthday so I am praying for it not to be tomorrow. I'm not sure how to break the news to my daughter. She is very close to my grandparents, and I'm also not sure if I should bring her to the funeral? I don't want to put all that on an 11 year old. Well sorry for the depressing post but I needed to talk it out. Thanks for listing to my internal struggles.

Almost Friday!

You know what cracks me up? It's when I look at that feedjit thing and all "those people" that are googling porn and come across my post entitled "fuck me". Which really I typed because I was pissed off one day. Poor sick bastards looking for boobies, but ending up on my blog. It makes me laugh. So, I have been reading, ok wait, torturing myself with the new Nicholas sparks book. Would it be to much to ask for a happy ending once and a while. Quit killing people off. And if you read his books, you know what I'm talking about. I got a nice call from a friend I haven't heard from in a while. All seems to be good with them and that makes me happy, because they deserve to be happy!

Trick or treating was a blur. We went through four bags of candy in an hour. My mom had to run out and buy us more. The overalls I ordered showed up Monday at 4:00 on my porch so the farmer was complete.

Parent teacher conferences were this week. The boy, doing great. The girl, it will be a fucking miracle if she graduates high school.