Friday, May 15, 2015

Nuclear Meltdown

I must have a serious hormonal imbalance at the moment because I've never been this damn weepy.  I think the stress of princess bitch face and her hanging on by a thread to graduate the 8th grade has gotten the better of me.  I got an envelope that was suppose to have the graduation tickets in it but instead had a letter that she might not pass and they were holding the tickets.  Well there's a slap in the face.  I really don't think she understands the effect it's having on me.  I'm so disappointed in her and her lack of giving a shit about anything but the phone, which she doesn't even have at the moment.  I have taken everything.  So I am a little pmsy add the stress of her on top of that, then I back into my neighbors car last night and that my friends sends me over the edge.  My mom came over to talk for a bit and I start bawling like someone died and find that I just can't stop.  I swear I cried for and hour.  I seriously lost my shit.  Then laid down on the couch to try and clam down, countinued to cry for the next fifteen minutes or so and fell asleep.  My husband wakes me up and has no clue on how to deal with this blubbering mess I've turned into because I'm the cold hearted bitch who doesn't cry ever and tells me to go to bed.  I sleep like shit.  Fucking up my car has really pissed me off.  I toss and turn most of the night and finally the damn alarm goes off and I lay there thinking to myself I need a minute.  I am giving myself a time out to get my shit together because if I go to work like this either someone's gonna die or they might have me committed.  So I call in.  Annhour later my co worker texts me that she is calling in, after a bunch of screaming FUCKS come out of my mouth and throwing the phone, my husband says please don't start crying again.  Which I almost did.  Wow, who the fuck did I piss off for this series of unfortunate events that has transpired? Is the universe pissed at me for some reason?  I texted her back I wasn't coming in today and she got her ass to work.  I spent the last two hours stress cleaning my house.  I took out some aggression on the toilets rather then someone's face.  I sat in the hot tub in the quiet for a couple hours and now I feel a bit better.  Hopefully the other shoe has already dropped and things can get back to normal.  Normal meaning me stop crying like a bitch.  Fingers crossed that she holds it together for 3 more days!

Tuesday, April 28, 2015


So I signed up with this website to try some free crap and give them my opinion on it.  I got my box yesterday and there was actually some really cool stuff in there.  Granted I have had to jump through hoops to try and get these reviews posted with pictures and hash tags and a blood sample.  And I am still trying to figure out how I'm going to post on You Tube, because I certainty dont want to watch me give a review, but it's for free shit so I guess.  Maybe I can get my 11 year old to set that shit up for me because I am slightly computer illiterate.   Now I have to blog about some stuff.

First I will tell you about all the cool crap I got.  Dove chocolate covered blueberries.  I ate the whole bag in a matter of minutes. Don't judge me!  I got a Mascara from Rimmel the Kate Spade collection.  Other than the weird shaped brush, It didn't clump at all and I really liked it.  It also came with a Rimmel lipstick from the Kate Spade collection.  Other than the color looking hideous on me I guess it was nice.  I gave it to my daughter because the color suited her better and she really liked it.  Sally Hanson had some leg makeup in there.  If your in need of a quicky tan, this stuff is what you need.  It's like foundation for your legs.  I even ended up with a color one shade darker than I would have liked but it actually looked nice when I used it.  Last but not least was the Eco Tools Matte finish brush.  Its so soft, It's like putting on your makeup with a bunny rabbit.  There was also some coupons for Wine of the month club where you get a free bottle and also for the Eco Tools brushes and the Sally Hansen.  #Spring4Wine with Club W, #BellaVoxBox #NYMdjvd  #contest.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Nothing Exciting

It's been 3 weeks since Princess bitch face started with the swim team and she has already qualified for a swim meet.  Now if she actually put this much effort into her math grade she would have a fucking A in that class.  The struggle continues.

Last weekend was the first weekend we actually got to do nothing.  I sat my white ass outside and got some sun while I watched my tint his tail lights and headlights.  He has now drained half our savings buying shit for his car.  I thought getting a new car vs. and old one would be cheaper in the long run.  SURPRISE!  It is not.  Hopefully Mr. spending spree is done for awhile because I don't think my bank account can handle anymore.

We have started discussing possibly looking to buy another house.  Yes where we live is uber convenient (next door to my mom) however, I think that it might be nice to have a little more space.  Just talking about it for now and slightly looking.  I am really in no hurry to move anytime soon.  If something happened to fall in my lap like this house did, then I would seriously consider it.  We shall see.

Friday, April 17, 2015

The Mid Life Crisis

My birthday weekend started off with a half day of work on Thursday followed by a lovely dinner at Itchibans with the family.

Friday I got up early and took my ass to Kohls to spend the gift cards I got for my birthday.  I walked around that damn store for an hour and a half and couldn't find shit to buy.  I couldn't even find a pair of undies I wanted to buy.  Well that was a bust, and a little depressing. :(  My day got better when my cousin and I went on a sushi lunch date for our birthdays.  His is 4 days before mine, and we always celebrate by doing our yearly sushi date.

So on to my husbands mid life crisis. 
Yes he bought a Camaro.  Stupid me, I let him.  Here is the story behind the car.  He's been eyeballing these for some time now.  He said I want to buy one whether it be an old one or new one.  I'm like sure dear, whatever you want knowing full well that it was never going to happen and he was just talking out his ass.  One day we decided to buy a new dining room table that had 8 counter height chairs because we also needed bar stools and thought we would do 4 & 4.  We made an appointment at the furniture factory in Reno on a Saturday afternoon.  I had an early appointment to get my oil changed as well, so we dropped off my car, took up the truck to buy my new table and chairs, but we were really early so he says "lets stop buy the Chevy dealer to look at that car."  OK, we got like an hour and a half to kill.  Long story short, we missed our furniture appointment and brought home a new car.  Here's why I said yes.  First off he works his ass off and makes great money, we can afford it, and who am I to say NO.  Second, this is his dream car.  Third, the look on his face was this. I shit you not

So here we are a couple months later and he gets hooked up with a Camaro Club

Which has been a lot of fun and we have met some really cool people. Also last week he took the car to race on a road course.  So he did the driver school on Saturday and Sunday I went out to watch the actual time trial races.  Come to find out you can ride shotgun during the race so I borrowed a helmet and went with.  Scarred the shit out of me, but it was fun.  He came in 4th in his class.  Next week we are going to drag race the sucker.  

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Happy Birthday to me!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I thought I would write a special little what I am thankful for post.  I realize this is suppose to be done around Thanksgiving, but I am not one to go with the grain of society.  So here goes:

I will be 37 tomorrow.  Most women my age are freaking out over the fact that in a few years it’s going to be the big 40.  I look at it like hey isn't 40 suppose to be like the new 20 or something?  If that’s the case I am reliving my teen years at the moment.  HAHA!  I would kill myself if I had to relive that nightmare.  I am happy to say that I look forward to it.  I cant in good conscience say that I wish to ever be 20 again.  Sure I would love to look 20 again, but actually be in my 20's, no thanks.  I can honestly say that my thirties, although may have started off a little bumpy, have really turned into the best time in my life so far.  I am so content at the moment. Dare I say could it be any better?  Of course it could, but right now I am thankful for what it is.

My kids, although I am the proud owner of a hormonal 14 year old girl, (and that in it self is usually a full time job) are pretty good kids.  I have to be thankful that my daughter isn't a raving slut like I turned into at her age.  She has her moments of attitude, but is still a pretty good kid.  My son, is like a 75 year old living in an 11 year olds body.  The minute he walks through the door from school it’s drop your pants and relax the rest of the day.  I actually heard the words “whipper snapper” come out of his mouth last week.  Oh and don’t ask him to go out to dinner or just go out in general because he would rather be home lounging in his boxers.  Now shopping is a different story.  That’s the only time I can bribe him to come out with us.  That kid though is smart as a whip.  I expect him to have a high paying job so I can live out my years in a nice upscale old folks home.

I must give thanks to my ex and his wife who was the chick he cheated on me with 13 years ago, because if it wasn't for her and her “golden pussy” I wouldn't be married to the great guy that I am now.  You did me a favor by seeing that greener grass, and for that I thank you.  Also, thank you Karma, because that grass is dried up and brown, and that “golden pussy” was really only gold plated and the paint is now peeling.  Karma, you really are a bitch!

Finally, I am thankful for my husband for always telling me the truth, even though its not always what I want to hear.  For having the most fun together, watching chick flicks with me, going to bed at 9 even on the weekends and not caring if that makes us old, binge watching Netflix with me, living next door to my mom and near most of my relatives, not making me have much to do much with your mom, and finally being a good dad to my daughter cause her dad is an ass and our son.  I look forward to being an old fart traveling the country in our RV during the golden years.

In closing, I look forward to another great year.  Hello 37!

Monday, April 6, 2015

Chapter II

A new quarter begins in January and ends in middle March.  Everything gets wiped clean and Princess Bitch Face gets to start all over at 100%.  So the nice Queen that I am decides that she can have her phone during the day and to return it to me just before bedtime as a good faith effort on my part to let her see I am trying to be fair and she should reciprocate the effort in school.  I even make arrangements with my cousin who is a senior in high school to come help her with her math homework whenever she needs it because god knows were to fucking stupid to help her with it, and she doesn't have to sit with Amy Farrah Fowler after school to help do her homework.  I thought this might be a better way to sear it into her tiny brain that she can really do it if she has the right person teaching her.  I have already told her that she is now smarter than me because I haven't a clue how to do anything shes working on.  I went into deer in the headlights mode when I tried You Tubing it in an effort to help.  So after a long couple of months of one day her grades a B, the next and F, the day after that back to a C.  I cant decide if Power School in a good thing or bad because I am driving myself mad with this up and down roller coaster.  Finally, she came out with a 69% on her report card.  I let her have the phone the whole weekend I was so happy she passed.  Enter new quarter, where things get wiped clean and we start all over.  Two weeks in and wouldn't you know it, shes got a mother fucking F.  Guess what?  I waved my magic wand, and POOF!  Phone be gone.  She now has to do chores to gain an hour of phone use till her grade comes up.  It's been kinda nice breaking the phone addiction.  I at least see her more these days, which I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing.  I am trying to get her involved in something other than sitting on her ass in her PJ's, so she's trying out for the swim team this afternoon.  Fingers Crossed.

Chapter III will cover my husbands mid life crisis, so stay tuned!

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Breaking the Silence

So over the last couple years I have actually had nothing to say.  Life has been all glitter and rainbows for me.  So I put the blog on the back burner.  Until yesterday!  I was sitting in my car stewing about my hormonal, attention whore of a daughter.  She's 14.  Yes, I know what your thinking, What a lucky mom.  HA!  If you are actually lucky enough to have one of these, you know what I'm talking about.  And things have been relatively fine until around December I suppose.  So let me back up and tell you a story.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a fair maiden named Princess Bitch Face.  Princess Bitch Face had a magic IPhone that  her mother Queen Kick Ass could control her with when she wasn't behaving.  Due to not turning in a lot of her math work she managed to have an F in math class.  Seeing as how there was only 2 weeks left in the semester, Queen Kick Ass had to go meet with her counselor and math teacher to try and find a solution for her to try and get her grade to at least a D to pass.  I meet with said counselor and her math teacher who I can only describe as the socially inept Amy Farrah Fowler from the Big Bang Theory, which assured me that if Princess Bitch Face would come in during lunch hour and to homework club everyday after school that she would NO DOUBT pass the semester.  So we all made an agreement.  Princess Bitch Face did as she was told, everyday attending lunch and homework club Amy Farrah Fowler.  Re Doing all the work she needed to do, and at the end of the 2 weeks and beginning of Xmas break, she came away with a 59% A FUCKING 59%.  Queen Kick Ass went on a sudden tear, and ripped Princess Bitch Face an new one for not doing the work when it was suppose to be done the first time, and trying to pull it out of her ass at the last minute as usual.  Plus reamed Amy Farrah Fowler and the counselor a new one for assuring me that it could be done, but came up one point short.  FUCKING FUCKS!  So the good Queen that I am, the Princess needed an appropriate punishment.  So I took the magic IPhone away and made her do daily chores for an hour of  use per day the entire Xmas break.  I told her that she wouldn't  have full use of it until she could keep her grades steady and prove to me that she's not fucking off in class.  (Side bar, I did try and get her out of that class with no such luck, so I to her she would just have to suck it up and do her best.  It's not like I'm expecting A's or anything.  At this point my standards are so low I am jumping for joy over a D).

To be continued............