Thursday, July 15, 2010

A few complaint letters

Dear Ex Husband:

I would like the other half of my child support you owe me this month.  I didn't fall for the I get paid every other week routine, so why didn't you call me last week, this time.  I think you need to remember that we are Facebook friends and therefore I know everything you do.  Like for example I don't think it's appropriate to go out and buy a new Iphone, then brag about it when you know you owe me money.

Dear Sharon Angle: (political figure running for Harry Reid's seat, I'm sure you've heard of him at least)

I am sick of your ads, please retract them at once.  I do not enjoy listening to the "God Fathery" music during my morning coffee.  It starts making me paranoid that I'm gonna get "whacked" at any moment.  And for this I will NOT vote for you in the future.

Dear Costco:

For the love of GOD, would you please open a fucking express line.  I do not enjoy standing in line for an hour when I have 2 items and you only have 2 checkouts open, at the busiest time of day.

Dear Wal-Mart:

Please, oh PLEASE would it be to much trouble for your store to stock the shelves at night?  It's bad enough I have to dodge a million people on Saturday but then making a 2 cart isle into 1 by blocking half the isle with your giant cart of CRAP in the middle of the day, well just isn't effective.  I thought this is why your store was open 24 hours.

Dear People that Call the Firm:

No, I don't give a rat's ass that you got fired, nor do any of the Attorney's here.  You were probably fired for a good reason, get over it.  Nor do I care that so and so owes you money so let's cut the explanation down to 1 minute or less.  Yes, I will take your name and number and pretend to pass it along just to make you feel better, but in reality I'm not, So stop calling, unless you have a legitimate reason for needing an attorney.

Dear Radio Station:

Why is it whenever I get in my car, which is a lot, Nickleback is always on?  I am really sick of hearing Sunday Afternoon.  I used to kind of like them, but I dont now.  Please fix it or I'm going to have to find a Nickleback free station.

Last but not Least

Dear Evil Step Bastard:

I dont think it's wise to purchase a dirt bike.  You still owe me $30.00 this month for the Internet connection on the I phone you HAD to have that I refuse to pay for, but your Dad makes me, since you have a job and need to learn how to pay bills for when I kick you out of my house when your 18 because I no longer am required by law to take care of you.  And you are the most accident prone person I have ever met in my life, and might hurt yourself so bad that you cant work, and then be sitting on my couch annoying the crap out of me 24 7.  And we both really dont want or need that.  So how about instead you just save up your money (minus the 30 you owe me every month) and buy yourself what every teenager dreams of......a better car.  This way it's win win for everyone.  You dont need to borrow and break my car when you need to travel out of this city, and make sure it has enough room for your stuff when you move out.  Please take my ideas into consideration because the future is not far behind.

I feel better, sorry for the ranting, thank you for listening.

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