Calmer Waters!

As I sit here in my bed, typing on my laptop, watching (well half ass watching) last weeks CSI.  I am feeling a bit calmer then this morning.  WAY Calmer.  I have been taking deep breaths all day in an attempt to get myself to calm down.  The hubby worked it out so that we can still go this weekend, considering the circumstances.  In all honesty, I was going to go either way.  With or without him, but would rather take him with me.  The kid is fine, still in the hospital.  He will be in 2 casts for 3 weeks.  One arm was only fractured, so less healing time.  I can already see it's going to be 3 weeks of hell!  But I will try and enjoy myself as much as I can this weekend.

My son did make me laugh tonight though.  He was watching that Fred movie tonight and some kid said the word "pitch" he thought the kid said "bitch" He said mommy he just said a bad word.  I said what did he say?  He smiles and says bitch.  I said NOOO, he didn't say that (its Nickelodeon) he rewound it and said see he said bitch.  I say, he said PITCH, like when you pitch a ball.  He didn't believe me, so we had to leave it at bitch. 

Well its almost bedtime, and having my blood pressure through the roof all day is really exhausting.  So I think I will call it a night.  Hopefully tomorrow will be shit free.  I hope.

I AM SPEECHLESS!

You know, I am only going to talk about how fucking PISSED OFF I am today.  You can call me a selfish bitch if you want, I know it to be true!  The ONE, ONE time I try and plan something.  Something all fucked up happens.  AND, to top it off it was my anniversary yesterday.  The very fucking perfect day for all this SHIT to implode itself.  Here is the beginning of the story.  Last night I came home and yelled at my daughter to do her homework in a quick like fashion.  Made dinner, and ate.  Kohls opened yesterday and my grandma had called and asked if I wanted to go shopping.  Sure I said, (I am in desperate need of a new purse, and she's buying)  I'll pick you up at 6.  Since we weren't doing anything anyways for our special day, I thought why the hell not. 

Picked her up, and went to shop.  I did find a really cute purse.  It's a little bigger than I'm used to, but it seems like the only kind of purse they sell these days are the size of carry on luggage.  I managed to get a couple of shirts and a pair of jeans as well (thank you bingo for being so generous to my grandma yesterday.)

We managed to get out of there around 8ish, and decided to go get an ice cream at McDonald's.  She wanted to bring my grandpa one, so we went through the drive through.  While sitting in line the hubby calls and says "are you planning on coming home?"  I was like yeah I'm on my way in a few, just getting some ice cream.  He seemed really annoyed, I was like WTF?  I thought he was OK with me going out.  So I got home and went to get my bag out of the car and he walks out and says "drive me to dickheads moms house I need to get his truck"  UM, OK, why?  Nothing.  So I start questioning him only getting short little snippy answers.  Dickhead decided to play superman on his dirt bike, and broke both of his arms.  WE ARE LEAVING ON SATURDAY!  Then he mentions we might not be able to go.  I felt my head start to explode.  I realize that if it were my kids I would have cancelled, but I don't give a flying fuck about that kid at all and see it as him fucking up my plans.  Plans that I have been looking forward to for a month. Plans that are already paid for, and cant be cancelled without losing money. (Insert selfish bitch here) 

The hubby went up to the hospital to find out what is going on today.  So for at least 3 weeks he will be in 2 casts.  Not able to shower, eat, wipe his own ass.  FANFUCKINGTASTIC!  They did surgery on the other pins and bolts, and god knows how long it's going to take for that fucker to heal.  I knew it, I just fucking knew it, I even posted something about it when he bought that damn thing.  I figured it wouldn't have taken this long for him to incapacitate himself.  But of all the fucking days, and bad luck why yesterday?  WHY?

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Today is the official day!  4 years ago, in front of my big screen TV in my living room, I got married.  Then got married again on a beach the next day in front of all our friends and family.  It was to become known as the "white trash wedding".  OK here is the story.  An attorney from my office can marry people, so she did our wedding.  Only problem was that she could only preform the ceremony in this county, and we were actually going to get married in another county.  Long story short she married us the day before in my living room so it would be legal, and we did it again on the beach the next day.  We decided to make it a whole wedding weekend at the lake we like to camp at.  We invited EVERYONE, to bring their trailers/tents or whatever, and spend the weekend.  There was kegs of beer, everyone brought a dish so it was like one big pot luck, there was a huge bon fire, and nobody had to drive their drunken asses home.  They could just stumble back to their trailers or tents.  It was a lot of fun, and best thing was nobody had to dress up!  Considering this was a second marriage for both of us, we decided to be casual.  It was a blast.

On Monday the hubby asked me if, since he was taking me to S.F. for the weekend, I wasn't expecting anything today.  I said no, and I hope you weren't expecting anything either.  But secretly I was hoping for maybe a little surprise :(  Nothing big just an I love you, little thing ( I know I am a total typical girl).  But I am married to a neanderthal and should just be happy I got his ass to take me out of town for the weekend!  This morning didn't go so well.  First thing when I woke up, I get a "talking to"  I guess when my daughter went to get an otter pop from the garage freezer last night, she forgot to shut the freezer door.  Everything melted, thank god it wasn't much, but the corn dogs and fries, and the Costco size Kraft Cheese slices I just bought got trashed.  Damn weather if it wasn't like 95 here and actually fall like weather it probably would have been OK, but NOOOO.  Aside from that she left the garage light on for the third time in a row all night long.  OK you would think that was it right?  NOPE.  The dog decided she wanted a midnight snack, a rummaged through the garbage in the middle of the night.  UGH!  It will be a better day, it better be anyways.

OK I wanna address one really annoying thing.  I have never watched this show, and will not just on principal (and yes I watch a lot of crap TV, but I have standards people) .  These people are the biggest dumb fucks, I have ever come across.  The show is Sister Wives.  The only thing I have to say on it, since it's been eating up most of the Internet and TV news is, did you people REALLY think that you wouldn't have any legal backlash from flaunting you fucked up lifestyle on TV?  Are you really that fucking STUPID.  Apparently so.  TLC just lost a lot of respect from my house putting this SHIT on TV.  I am so DISAPPOINTED!

Yesterday I had to go serve this lady a Subpoena she's been trying to avoid.  She lives in one of the really nice neighborhoods, at the base of the mountain.  So I have to drive up quite a big hill to get there.  I park at the end of her steep driveway, get out ring bell, nobody home.  Go back to my car, get in and call the Secretary.  As I am leaving a message for her, and starring into the sun I noticed a burning oil smell coming from the piece of shit I drive.  This is not unusual, but the fact that I was seeing smoke billowing from under my hood was.  OH FUCK, I thought.  I could see the car actually breaking down, blocking this bitches driveway (oh Hi, here is your Subpoena, sorry you cant get into your garage my car is broken....uncomfortable).  I quickly started it up (thank god it did) and figured if it broke down at least I could coast down the hill.  I called the hubby and told him the situation, and his reply was is there oil in it?  I don't fucking know.  Didn't you check it last week when you asked me?  Uh no.  So I made it to work, popped the hood, checked the oil, and dip stick dry as a bone.  SHIT!  I had to drive to the nearest gas station buy oil and put it in.  I swear, this car will not give up.  I have been just waiting for it to break down so I have an excuse to get a new one early.  It never gets the oil changed (only when I remember to actually add the oil to it) I am surprised it hasn't blown up yet.  It just takes a lickin and keeps on ticking, this is the total Timex of cars I swear.  There is weird sounds coming from every nook and cranny when I drive it, but yet it keeps going.  I have to say I got my moneys worth out of this thing!

A Thank You!

First off I would like to thank all of my followers.  Thank you for leaving all those really nice comments.  I am glad you all find my stories funny, and feel free to pass me along to all of your friends (I know shameless plug on my part)  And thanks to my 2 co workers for encouraging me to to write all this crap down.  It is my one and only form of therapy to keep me somewhat sane.  Keep the comments coming, I love to hear your opinions!

OK, now down to the good stuff.  I have a plan of action for this mornings post, so it might be a little long. (sorry for those in a hurry) I'm trying something new with a few pictures.

On Friday my hubby went to street vibrations (he was suppose to be working).  It's some motorcycle convention thing they have up in Reno every year.  I got a text message from his friend that was with him with a picture that says (which I accidentally deleted) hubby got some hair (he's bald by the way) and the bitches are flockin!  It was a picture with him (and new hair hat) and a mannequin in a leather thong.  Pretty funny stuff.  So later I get another  picture with him and his hat on with the caption does this "GUY" look familiar?  OK so tell me what you think.

                                                                   This is the hair hat!

                                                     This is Guy Fieri from Diners Drive ins & Dives

                                                                    This is Dumb Ass!

It is kind of a freaky resemblance!

So my son thought this was the coolest hat EVER, and tried it on when he got home.  I think we found his Halloween Costume!

                                                             "Little Guy", I know too cute huh!

So in yesterdays post I mentioned the great "how to cook chicken fiasco" that happened on Saturday, which resulted in my mom calling the hubby a Dumb Ass!  Well yesterday afternoon he calls me to say he's going to be late and if I could boil the chicken, for chicken tacos later that would be helpful.  UM NO, you know what would have been helpful is my suggestion to put the chicken in a crock pot so it would be done and ready to shred when we got home.  Like I was trying to explain on Saturday.  HUH, MEN, they always gotta make everything so fucking difficult.  I didn't do it of course, I was trying to make a point.  And also he told me not to over boil it when I said I would do it.  Do it yourself now buddy!

Sunday night when my daughter got dropped off by her dad, showed me the interesting collection of stick on tattoos she acquired (the must have went to the pizza place).  One on the back of her ankle and one on her arm.  Whatever,  A little while later she was getting all whinny, and I was like what's wrong?  She, I guess tried to put another tattoo on the back of her neck, but got it in some of her hair and it was hurting her.  She said can you get this off?  I was like um, OK.  Alright, these freaking tattoos don't come off easy.  You need rubbing alcohol, which of course I don't have.  So I tried just hot water, nothing, soap, nothing, peroxide, notta.  Then I remembered I had to astringent, and VIOLA.  Only trouble was some of it gooed up in her hair so I grabbed the scissors and cut a tiny piece of hair off.  I guess I must have left the scissors on the counter (and the boy was in the shower, keep that in mind for later).  So the hubby and I decide to watch a little TV in our room and he goes into the bathroom and says did you cut someones hair?  I said yeah I cut a piece of the girls hair cause she had tattoo gooed in it.  He says wow how much did you cut?  I said a tiny little strand.  So in the morning I made my way to the bathroom and while I was sitting there, notice that the counter had an awful lot of hair on it.  I thought hhhmmmm, maybe this is what he was talking about.  It was brown, and short, not the girls (shes blond)  THE BOY!  I went to wake him up and ask did you cut your hair?  He hide under the covers and I hear a small yes.  I said where, hoping I didn't see a bald spot, that I didn't notice the night before.  He pointed out the area and THANK GOD, he only gave himself a trim!  He says well it was to long right there.  I say you know, if it's to long I will trim it for you.  We don't want you going to school looking like you have parvo. 

So in an attempt to start packing and getting things together, the hubby decided to take down part of the trampoline.  He took off the net, and the padding.  So yes we have a spring exposed, netless, death trap of a new toy in the backyard.  They never wanted to jump on it this much when the net was still up.  SO I said last night, One at a time and stay in the middle.  Do you think they listened?  NOOOO, why would they do that.  So I hear a SCREAMING MOMMY!  I run out and there she is, one leg hooked around the outside bar, in between the springs, hanging halfway on the ground.  I got her off it, she only has a bruise and a scrape.  But then I have to yell, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?  You were both running in circles around the damn thing weren't you?  Yep.  Then she wasn't paying attention and foot through hole.  I swear I need to start pinning post it instructions to their foreheads.

So Bipolar minion has decided she was gonna grow a set of balls with me.  HA HA, not gonna happen bitch.  First off I am NOT the menopausal minion and will NOT be told what to do, and just take it, then bitch about you behind your back.  I am your BOSS, and will make it so YOU do all the errands by yourself today without my help.  Menopausal minion has the day off.  I will make it so I have more important "boss stuff" to do.  I am helping because it's my job and the right thing to do.  It is NOT my job to watch you roll your eyes at me when I tell you to DO IT! I know your all pissed, cause the chicken pox arnt happeneing for you, and your still holding out hope that you get them.  You son is over them and I think it's time for you to move on.  It's not going to happen, get over it!  And get back to work!  And dont piss me off anymore today, or you will find yourself ALL ALONE!

Is someone trying to tell me something?

What a weekend.  I went to my nephew's first birthday party on Saturday afternoon.  My brother and his wife decided to have a BBQ at the park near my house.  OK that's good but you have to get there really early to snag one of the spots in the pavilion.  My mom calls at like 10:30 and says, your brother is an idiot.  I say what now?  She says they aren't even at the park yet and the party is in 2 hours.  I don't know how he's going to get a spot.  I said it figures, you know how he is, always on his own schedule.  So we make it to the park, at 12.  Problem #1, he didn't get a spot so we ended up in the middle, not anywhere near the 3 playgrounds they have.  Great, now what are all these kids going to do.  So aside from that, our family seems to be the only one's that can show up on time.  She really needs to tell her family that shit is going to start a whole hour before it actually does.  So maybe this way they could get their asses there on time like the rest of us.  Problem # 2, the baby decided he needs a nap.  2 hours later:  Problem # 3, my brother is BBQing hot dogs, which my mom bought so there would be enough for everyone.  He asked my grandma to bring deviled eggs (YUCK) she did, and also 2 bags of chips.  He starts cooking (the baby finally woke up)  and my mom realizes that he only has hot dogs for everyone.  We pretty much killed the 2 bags of chips waiting on napping baby.  She gets LIVID, and says I'm going to buy some potato salad.  He tells her it's fine and to sit down.  She sat, she didn't eat, and she festered in the sun for 4 hours.  OH DEAR LORD, HELP US!  My husband (who was smart and left after an hour) ditched me, so I had to get a ride home with her.  She got up, didn't help clean up (which is really really not like her) and left.  I told her to hang out for a few at my house, cause my ex was picking up the girl after the party and we were going to get something to eat.  I tried to feed her some snacks just to get her to lighten up a little, but NO.  Then I was trying to suggest something to the hubby about chicken, and after a few of trying to make a point she yells at him "SHES JUST MAKING A SUGGESTION YOU DUMBASS"  UH, OK, then she got up and left.  Hey thanks for leaving him pissed with me.  I left him at home, went and met her for dinner, I think she finally calmed down a little after she ate.  I even offered to get her a margarita (god knows she needed one)

I called her yesterday and today, still in a bad mood!  I told her maybe she needed to double up on her hormone pill, at least till she lightens up.  Oh yeah and my brother texted me last night and says the toy I got my nephew makes him cry every time it goes off.  HAHAHA, yep I got the noisiest sucker I could find.  Your welcome!

This morning I got to work to find somebody had dumped a whole can of cigarette butts in front of the back door to my office and they left the can too?  That is what didn't piss me off, it left me a little confused, but not mad.  The thing that pissed me off was the amount of co workers that walked over it this morning without doing a fucking thing about it.  Oh hey lazy fucks, I'll clean it up!  I think I probably counted about 7 of them.
So on my break I confront one of them.  I say, hey did you see that shit this morning?  She says yes I did, I say what was that about?  She says I don't know.  I said you know what makes me mad?  What? She says.  I say that people actually walked over this and didn't pick it up!  She says well I saw that, and didn't know if it was there for a reason, so I didn't want to touch it.  REALLY?  You thought the office was doing a little decorative landscaping in front of the back door, on a sidewalk, with cigarette butts.  HHHHMMM, you are as fucking lazy as I thought!  PEOPLE, (HUH), (SIGH), COME ON!  So aside from having to pick that up this morning, I burnt a hole in my skirt from my own cigarette.  I'm thinking the universe is telling me I need to quit or something.

I refuse to be in a bad mood this week.  It's my last week before vacation weekend.  I bought my Alcatraz tickets yesterday, and I am SOOOO ready to get out of town.  My actual annivaersary is on Wednesday.  I just hope this week fly's by.  Bipolar minion is still chicken pox free, I could see the disappointment in her face when I said to her this morning oh still didn't get it, that's good.  I know it's killing her not having an excuse to call in.

Some interesting things!

Yesterday afternoon, at lunch, I decided I needed to eat almost everything in the house.  Not good.  It started off with left over chili verde, which I made into a burrito.  Then followed that by 4 cookies (the bigguns from Costco) then decided as I was sitting at my computer, at home, that it would be a novel idea to also consume the crumbs left on the desk left by the cookies (sad I know).  Finally, on my way out, back to work I topped it off with one of those tilla-moo's cheese thingies.  Needless to say my ass wasn't thanking me for that lunch this morning.  Just ask the hubby who was subjected to the rotten smell coming from my ass all morning apparently while I was asleep (hehehe).  Also funny quick side note while I'm am on the subject of sleeping.  I kept hearing him snoring last night and kept kicking him.  Then I woke up a little, and listened for a sec, and realized it was the dog snoring on the floor next to me.  HAHAHA, I was kicking him for no reason.

On my way back to work I get a call from the hubby telling me he just got stung by a bee.  Uh-Oh, he is allergic to them.  I said you better be prepared to get you ass to either the drugstore and get some benadryl, or the ER.  He says nothing happened yet, his arm was just sore.  Well, I said when your tongue expands to the size of a polish sausage, call for help.  Later on that evening, he was explaining the whole ordeal to me.  He said I was flailing around, trying to "beat it up" (can you imagine, 5'11, 230 pound construction worker guy, arms flying, screaming like a bitch, oh yes I have seen a bee get near him a couple of times.  Freaking hilarious) and it followed him to his car.  I said maybe it was a wasp.  Those things will keep attacking you.  He said it bit him twice.  Well we now know your only allergic to honey bees and not wasps now, good to know.

I went to pick the boy up from latchkey last night, and UGH, they were on the playground (you know I HATE the playground).  As I am passing the first set of swings in search of the kid, I notice to boys, which seem like the were wrestling around.  The one kid runs off and the other is yelling for help that he cant move.  Staring as I'm walking, I notice the Staff kid saying hey stop doing that.  When I got a little closer I noticed that the one kid duct taped the other kid to the swing set.  That little bastard taped that kid up so good the staff kid was having a hard time getting him free, and kept saying the whole time, "stop playing with the tape, that stuff is expensive"  REALLY?  Not hey lets not tape other kids to the swing set, someone might get hurt?  I located my son and was like lets go.  I swear if that had been my kid.....OH HOLY HELL,  They would have got the WRATH!  All I could think to myself was JESUS CHRIST, I am actually paying these people to watch my kids.

Bipolar minion is really reaching these days.  Her son has the chicken pox (he's 15 BTW)  She, I guess has never had them.  Yesterday afternoon, she comes up to me and says I have two bumps, one on my arm and one on my neck. (in grown hair, and zit)  I said as long as their not on your stomach your fine!  Turned and continued to read my book.  I know she is examining everything with a microscope, just so she has an excuse to call in.  She better not FUCK my vacation next weekend (since I have Monday off)  Or I will FIRE her ass, just because.

2 posts in one day, arent you lucky!

OK so I don't usually do this, because I really don't have tons to talk about, but I think this needs to be addressed while it's still fresh in my mind.  I just finished the LAMEST fucking book EVER!  I have read some crap in the last few years, but this takes the fucking CAKE!  And why I am so upset you ask.  OK here is why.  I was perusing boarders new releases back in July.  I often do this to look for new shit to read.  As soon as I find something that strikes my fancy, I put it on a list I have created on our libraries website.  This way I can add to the holds list, they pull it for me, put it on a shelf, where I can quickly go in and retrieve it without having to look through tons of CRAP for the book I want.  I know lazy huh, anyways This crap book is called The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. I have had it on hold for so long, and I have been so excited to read it, and I was so happy and blissful, when I finally got the email after 3 months of waiting that it was in.  The synopsis of the story is this (according to Boarders)  A story about a women, who feels emotions in food.  Basically whomever made the food she feels their sadness, excitement, etc..  OK, so, being as how I LOVE all things paranormal, this seemed like the PERFECT read for me.  WRONG, on so many levels.  I would like to know, was this chick on acid when she wrote this?  The base story line was good, until she actually started to tell the story.  Most of it took place when she was 9 and her mom made her a lemon cake for her birthday.  She felt extreme sadness when she ate it (mom was very unhappy I guess)  Later she finds out mom is having an affair through her roast beef dinner (dad never was aware?)  Brother keeps disappearing mysteriously.  And for longer periods of time throughout the book.  Mom and brother have weird, and semi incestuous (seemed like it to me anyways) relationship.  Turns out brother is turning himself into furniture?????  The end!  SUCK FEST, WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME.  This lady has NO business writing even a fucking check.

OK, I feel better now. 

I did start to read Shit my Dad Says, FUCKING AWESOME!  I needed something light after the crap I just put myself through for 4 days. 

Oh and on one last note:

When did this happen?

Dennis Quaid is a senior citizen?  HOLY SHEEP SHIT BATMAN.  There are just no words!!!!

The Tooth Fairy!

The tooth Fairy robbed my daughter to pay my son.  He lost his second top tooth last night, of course I didn't have anything but a ten in my wallet.  And the Hubby had nothing but cob webs in his.  So he says great what are we going to do?  I went into my daughters room and borrowed a buck from her.  I'll give it back (if I don't forget)  That tooth was no way worth ten bucks.  So I went and put it on my dresser and my son found it and was like look I found a dollar, I was like hey put that back.  I'm just glad he didn't put two and two together this morning when he found that buck under his pillow.

On the way to school my friends little girl tells my son that her parents are rich.  His reply to that was "I'm rich, I got more money then my mom, and I'm just a child"  I thought it was funny cause he referred to himself as "a child"  The shit that comes out of their mouths sometimes cracks me up!

I got home last night and WHOA, my Husband actually did the dishes.  Since I went to the gym on Tuesday night I got lazy, when I got home and decided nnaaahhh, it can wait until tomorrow.  He must have taken some time out of his busy house hunting schedule to do them.  So we are giving fish (which I love and he does not) another try.  I got some panko breaded talapia from the all mighty Costco.  And decided instead of baking it I decided (cause I like it crispy) we should deep fry it.  MISTAKE!  We haven't used our deep fryer in over a year, and couldn't get the damn lid off.  Finally we pried it off and commenced operation clean.  OMG!  I scrubbed that thing for an hour, finally got irritated, threw most of it in the dishwasher in hopes the scolding hot water would melt away some of the oil.  It worked pretty well, but didn't end up eating until like 8.  It was worth it though.  It came out nice and crispy.  My hubby is checking out the tarter sauce that I bought, and was like, I don't think I like this stuff.  Then he reads the label and gives it a try.  He says wow, you cant even taste the fish with this stuff.  What have you like been living under a rock, never having tarter sauce?  Needless to say we will be having it again.

I get to fill in for the receptionist for the next two days.  WOO HOO.  Two days of nothing but reading.  Wow I can hear a secretary actually yelling at a client from the conference room in the back.  That cant be good!

Well the boss is in so gotta run!  TA TA!

Someone needs to be slapped into reality!

And it sure ain't me.  My husband, who is worse then a kid is driving me bonkers.  Yes, were ditching the house, and yes we will have to move. EVENTUALLY.  Not at this very second.  He is on the computer looking at rentals, he is driving around neighborhoods looking for rentals (he circled one block so many times last weekend, I'm sure the neighbors thought we were casing the place)  STOP IT.  And the worst thing is he took the day off of work (cause he didn't feel good) SURE, he's fine, and has been driving around all morning looking at houses.  AAAANNNDDD he's been calling me telling me about ones he has found.  UGH!  WE. ARE. NOT. READY.  How many times do I have to say it, before he gets it through his big fat head?  I know for a fact I have at least 6 months before I have to move.....AT LEAST!  So I calmly said why are you looking?  It's going to be a while.  I got hung up on.  This morning started out fine, it's the rest of the afternoon that seems to be slightly wearing on me.  I mean it's bad enough I know I have to swallow my pride and do this but (and it hasn't been easy) I don't need to do this right at this very second.  Do I?  He played hooky from work, I went to work like a good girl, I said well since your home take me to lunch.  To which I get the reply of "we just spent all that money on food, and now you wanna go out?"  Forget it, I went home, which on my way, almost hit a car who decided it was her turn to go, then got stuck behind some grey hair driving 5 miles and hour, with a flat tire.  So I finally made it home ate my leftover chicken fettuccine, a hostess cupcake (which I got chocolate on my pants) and finished it off with a cookie, and not just any cookie, the giant ones from Costco, with the macadamia nuts and white chocolate.  Needless to say I'm full, but feel better.  Thank god I go to the gym.

Last night, my son decided to change his costume from Harry Potter (easy, robe, stick, and glasses) to Darth Maul (great now I have to get all inventive) My Daughter sat in front of the computer admiring the "Vampire Queen" costume for 3 hours.  Actually looks exactly like her drawing, minus the tiara.  My son decided to do a drawing of his own.  I forgot to take pictures, but it was 6 different pieces of paper with one piece of the costume drawn on each.  Like shoes on one, mask on the other, light saber (which vaguely looked like a penis with a black handle around the middle)  You get the picture.  It kept them quiet, and I got them to clean their rooms at least.  Now I don't have to worry about stepping on some random toy and tripping when I go to wake them up.

Oh yes and I forgot about this.  So I go to get the kids from school yesterday after I got off.  Always checking the playground to see if that's where they are.  It's a pain in the ass when their there because I have to walk around half the school and back to my car when their out there.  So anyways, I see them coming back from the playground, So I go into the lunchroom, grab their backpacks and wait by the car.  My son walks up with a jacket in hand.  I say who's jacket is that?  He says someone left it on the playground.  I say OK, well why don't you run and put it in the lost and found.  I thought he was going to lose it, he says I asked everyone and it doesn't belong to anyone I just wanna keep it.  I said well, some little boy probably forgot it at recess and might be looking for it tomorrow, so you need to go put it in the lost and found.  He was NOT budging on this, he was bound and determined to take that sucker home.  So after a minute of deciding on whether or not I wanted to keep arguing with him in the parking lot, I decided to give up and let his dad handle it.  I got home and said tell your dad what you got.  He handed it to me and said here wash this so I can wear it.  I explained to his dad what happened and said try and get him to take it back to school.  This ended up in a bribe to get him a new one just like it.  He took it back this morning, now I'm going to have to find it's twin.  UGH!

A little art work!

My Daughter is all ready for Halloween.  Above is her sketch of said costume.  The title of the costume is Vampire Princess, because throwing the word princess in there makes it a good vampire.  She was going to draw up a sketch for my sons costume, but decided against it.  He is going to be Harry Potter (he has never seen the movie, but thinks he's cool cause he wears glasses).  Notice the points of interest mapped out around the photo, vampire blood, black and red tiara, black shoes, and black and red dress.  She is thorough I must say.  Then she informs me we need to look online for such a costume.  I said yeah, I think we might be able to find something similar at Wal-Mart....I hope, if not then I think we can drop the princess from the title.  I love how she draws herself with a big head.

After playing with my phone for hours on end last night, I decided to finally watch some TV.  All the shows are starting up this week (YAY) and my DVR is going into overload mode.  So is my brain....TO. MUCH. TO. WATCH. MUST. WATCH. EVERYTHING.  So it started off with Little People Big World.  I love that show, however my Husband does not.  He just doesn't appreciate the quality TV I like to watch, but he still watches.  Like for example Ghost Hunters, I am obsessed with that show.  I faithfully record every new episode and even watch Ghost Hunters International.  I try and watch it by myself but usually end up with company.  OMG! He says I cant believe you watch this crap.  It's all fake....then he's quiet, then blurts out BULLSHIT!  So the entire hour I am trying to enjoy my show, it's interrupted with blurts of BULLSHIT, and FAKE, OH that door that's moving is attached to a string,  It's just for ratings.  UGH, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE.  So anyhow back to the original story, I put it on and he says OH NO, not this show again, I hate this show.  I pushed stop, and handed him the remote and said find something then.  He went through the guide, handed it back and said fine watch your crap show.  He watched the whole hour, and complained the whole time.  Sometimes I don't think it's even worth it.

I somehow ended up watching half a football game later on that evening.  I guess it was payback cause he knows how much I HATE football.  Oh well back to my phone.  So my son comes out, and out of the blue says "I hate Justin Bieber"  Where did that come from?  I said why do you hate him, he says "because he sings like a girl"  Allrighty then.  Dually noted, you hate Justin Bieber, I will never utter his name in this house again.  I should see if he wants to be him for Halloween......hehehe.

First mobile post!

Ok finally got my new phone and this is a test post.

Oh the Weekend!

I swear, I wish Saturday never happened.  I had this really weird dream about this girl, who I knew ages ago.  We were best friends, inseparable, since the 5th grade.  She was like the sister I never had, until we got into high school.  Things kind of fizzled out and she went with her crowd, and I went with mine.  Trust me I went with the WRONG crowd in school.  So I couldn't really blame her.  We were still friends, but not as close as we once were.  Anyways, I had contacted her a few times over the years.  She called me when her mom died.  And really hadn't talked to her since.  I did find her on facebook a couple of years ago and asked how things were.  To which I had got the reply of "how the hell are you".  I emailed her, told her that my dad had passed and nothing.  I gave up, then 6 months later she emails me and said sorry, but she hasn't had time to read all her emails and asked me once again "how the hell are you"?  I replied with a short email, that things were good, and that was about it.  Then I decided to send a message stating, hey I thought you were going to answer your emails?  To which I got deleted about 2 months later.  It didn't really bother me at all, I moved on.  So when I had this dream it really upset me.  I was pissed and hurt, I guess, and it ruined my whole day.  (God I think the PMS is back)  I was snapping everyones head off, pissed off the hubby to the point were he didn't even want to be in the same room as me.  I was happy when I got to go to bed and didn't have to be a raging BITCH anymore.

I had a better day on Sunday, I slept in till 8, and woke up in a MUCH better mood.  I even made breakfast, and sat around in my jammies until 1:30.  We watched the race, which was pretty exciting and then decided to get out of the house for a bit.  He has been obsessed with looking at rentals now.  So we decided to drive through a few neighborhoods that I would like to be in to see whats out there when we get booted.  We went to the ice cream place and had some ice cream for lunch.  YUM!  Then he says to me what store do you want to go to?  Oh yes more shopping.  I said, well since we are on this end of town why don't we hit Costco for a few things.  OMG!  His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.  OK here is the story of why he is no longer allowed in Costco by himself or have a card of his own.  On my son's 4th birthday I asked him to go pick up the tray of sandwiches I ordered from Costco.  He came back with a dune buggy instead.  A $1500.00 dune buggy.  That he charged.  And every time he went there, he charged no less then $500.00 at a time.  So I cancelled my account.  Had my mom put me on hers, and he is no longer allowed to go there by himself.  I control the Costco runs.  When I said the word Costco, you know when you say the word biscuit or treat to a dog, and they start spazing out and getting all excited and you can just hear them saying in that scooby doo voice "treat, yes treat, I want a treat, I a good dog"  Well imagine that when I brought up Costco.  "Costco, yes Costco, I want to go to Costco, I such a good boy"  3 hours and $300.00 later.  OY, this is why I don't ever bring up Costco.

Today has been interesting so far.  I was informed by the Bipolar minion, that her 14 year old son has the chicken pox and she has never had them.  Fantastic, another excuse for her to call in.  I swear she better not ruin my vacation I have been looking forward to.  Oh and my phone should be here today, so I can be mobile and blog!  YAY!

BBBAAAHHHH!!!

Fuck!  It's been a morning already.  The only upside is it's Friday.  First off I was totally running late this morning.  I took like a five minute shower and yelled at the kids to get up, brushed my teeth at super speed and threw the kids their clothes for the day, then continued to yell for 20 minutes for them to get dressed while I finished getting ready.  FINALLY, their asses got dressed and teeth brushed.  Then I made them some waffles for breakfast. My daughter came out and sat down and my son (the good child) was nowhere to be found.  I yelled for him, and he's like "WHAT" I said "what are you doing"?  He says "watching TV".  I try and calmly say (but ends up not) "get your ass in here and eat your waffle".  Instantaneous shut down.  He comes out and sits on the couch, refusing to eat.  What the hell is it with boys?  They are moodier than a chick with PMS.  I say go eat, we need to leave.  No response, just that you bitch stare I often get.  Then he gets up and stomps off to his room.  Oh great.  I go in there and is like whats wrong.  Still no talking.  He finally says I wanted oat meal.  OH CRAP!  That's right he did tell me that last night, and I forgot.  I said I was sorry, really trying to hold it together.  I said I cant make you oat meal cause we are out of milk.  I just used the last of it for my cereal.  I started with a bribe.  I say OK we will get whatever you want for dinner tonight if you just go eat the waffle.  I say I'll get you a happy meal.  That wasn't good enough.  He says I don't want the toy, I keep getting the same thing.  I said we will go wherever you want for dinner I promise.  It took a few minutes but he eventually got up and ate the fucking waffle. 

Now on to AT&T is really trying my patience.  So I ordered my phone Wednesday night, on line, on their website.  Before it would let me check out it made me switch my Internet plan over to an IPhone plan.  Well OK, but I don't have the phone yet so that seems kind of dumb, but whatever.  So I get to thinking, well if I switched the data plan, then I am going to get charged when I connect from my STILL current phone.  OK Everyone still with me on this, cause it seems to be confusing the reps over there when I call.  So yesterday morning I call, and explain what I just told you to the guy, twice, maybe it was three times, cant remember cause I'm flustered at the moment.  He finally gets it, I say until I get the phone in the mail and activate it, I want to be able to still use the Internet on my current phone without being charged, because I already paid the bill this month and paid for the service.  Pretty simple don't you think?  I guess their system was updating at the time I called, so he couldn't get any of my account info.  He did make a note on the account, and all was good until about 2 p.m.  I hit the net button, because I still have nothing to read on my breaks, so I am trying to STILL figure out twitter and it's killing time.  NOTHING, connection failed.  So I try 5 more times, same deal.  UGH!  My battery was dying anyways so I though it might be that might be it.  I got home and plugged in the phone and this morning tried again.  FAILED.  So once again I call, explain 10 fucking times to this idiot whats going on and now I have NO Internet.  Turns out,  they had my phone being an IPhone, and the step bastards phone as my propel.  I said NO, that's not right.  I think he was dicking me around because they know perfectly well which phone I am using by the sim card.  I'm not dumb, RETARD.  So after he fixes (or pretends to) the problem, he restores my Internet usage to what it was.  I think once I get the phone, I am going down to the store and having them fix it correctly, instead of dealing with those fucks over the phone.

Homework took FOREVER last night.  Aside from the regular stuff she had, she had to do all the class work too while she was out.  Keeping her sitting for that long last night was a chore to say the least.  But, alas, it got done and we sat down to watch a really stupid movie last night.  The killers, it wasn't even funny.  Scratch it off your list.  And she waited for me to come home from the gym last night to even start it.  She could have had most of it done while I was gone.  The funny thing was I actually had to google one of her spelling words, cause NONE of us had ever heard of the word.  I cant even remember what the hell it was, come to think of it.  Some long ass word that was probably popular in the 1800's that nobody uses anymore.

I finally got the email that my book was ready at 3:00 yesterday afternoon.  This was the one I've had on hold since July, that whomever had it didn't return it on time.  So now I'm back to having something to read at break time.  I just enjoy the 15 minutes of silence, while reading my book.  I haven't formed an opinion yet on this one, seeing as how I'm only 30 pages into it.  I'll have to read further.  So far it's not a I don't wanna put it down one yet.  Maye that's why it took the last reader so long to return it.......It probably sucked!

Yesterday I was messing around trying to put the follow me on twitter widget, thingy on here.  I finally found one I could actually do and went on without a hitch.  Only problem is they have twitter blocked at work so I couldn't check it.  This morning I remembered to see if it worked and clicked the thingy, and it took me to some guys page with the name of rajalacka or something to that effect.  I was like OH CRAP!  I tried to delete the widget and it didn't work.  Then I got the idea of checking the thing you have to copy and paste to make it work.  AAAHHHH, there it is I just replaced his name with mine and VIOLA, it works now.  YAY, I'm not as dumb as I thought.

Happy Friday everyone!

Success!

HA HA, the smell of victory!  I got my phone!  I whined, and stroked his ego so much he finally gave in.  It was kind of cute though, we did go to wal-mart, and checked to see if they had any of the phones, but they were out.  He drove to the AT&T store across the parking lot and checked there.  Turns out since I have opted to be a cheap skate, and get the 3GS, instead of the 4, nobody carries them in stock.  The store did have one that they had sold that day....damn a day late.  So I said it's fine I'll just order it online.  We hit the pizza joint for dinner, and he said well let me check the AT&T store over here (we have 2 in town)  it was very thoughtful of him and right this very moment, I take back all the crappy shit I've said about him.  Till he pisses me off again!  I should have it in my hot little hands by Saturday! (I still had to order it)

Ugh!  Back to the gym tonight :(  I am not complaining, but it's tough getting back into this routine!

I woke up this morning (well barley) and I swear to god I thought it was Friday.  I was super excited until the irritating weather girl informed me it was only Thursday.  Boo.  That has made for a depressing day.  This has been the longest week EVER!

My daughter finally went to school today, I guess the teacher gave her some in class homework to do while she was out.  Who does this?  The kid is sick.  Who wants to do more homework while their sick?  I mean geez she's only in the fourth grade.  So I wrote him a nice little note this morning stating that I didnt see it until late last night, and if she could do it tonight and turn it in tomorrow?  Or let me rephrase that, if I could do most of the work for her while she writes down the answers cause I got shit to do other then my kids homework.  You know it wasn't like this when I was her age.  I didnt start getting homework till Jr. High.  I think they should have stuck with that over the years.  It's hard enough coming home from work, unloading the dishwasher, making dinner, loading the dishwasher, then having to wrangle to kids to sit down for an hour to do homework when all they want to do is either play or bug the shit out of each other and me.  With the way they nit pick each other I am surprised my hubby lets me go to the gym at all.  I usually come home and one or both are in their rooms, in trouble, or I get yelled at cause they arnt listening to him, and going nuts.  I hate the school districts.  Oh and here's one for you.  My mom moved right, like 1 block over.  I use her address so they can go to that school.  So I changed the address on all the forms this year.  The school calls me this morning and informs me that I am no longer in that district.  Seriously, its like right across the street.  So now I have to fill out variance forms, ugh.  The school I am apparently now zoned for is like a mile and a half away, figure that one out!

Well happy ALMOST Friday.  Hopefully the day will just fly by!

UUUMMMM!

OK, I could possibly be a bit of an electronic retard just like the hubby.  Thanks to my dear friend, lets just call her curly, she has suckered me into Twitter.  "Oh you should really get into this, it's great".  I think I had checked it out once before when it first happened on the scene, but thought better of it.  So while on my break, I decided to pop out my phone and check it out.  I finished my book and due to the assholes that don't return their shit on time at the library, I have nothing to read at the moment.  Thus nothing to do on my breaks at work.  So anyways as I am straining to read the 3x3 screen of my phone (yes it's the size of a small post it, I checked)  it makes me sign up for an account before I can look anyone up.  FINE, I do that, and figure out how to follow curly.  I think I am replying to one of her posts, but end up posting something myself.  UGH, you know I really blame my generations (oh god did I really just say that) computer classes that I was forced to take in high school.  See, computers were just getting popular when I was a wee girl and we were forced to take computer classes on those 1985 apple computers, it was the 90's for god's sake.  Thus, leaving me to my own instincts, and various jobs to learn how to use it.  Boy I figured out how to play solitaire first thing.  I can get around, and if I need to actually do something like post a link or whatever I just ask and tend to remember how I did it the last time after I was shown.  Trust me, I'm even lucky that this blog is up and running.  When I get home I guess I will check it out further, on a bigger screen at least and maybe I can figure it out.  So look for me soon on twitter, unless I get pissed and delete the account or cant figure out how to post the link!  Oh yeah and this should give the hubby more to bitch about.....me being on the computer WAAAY to much.  "Are you playing that fucking game again?"  Hey it's not my fault the makers of Frontierville are geniuses.  They really know how to suck you in!

The girl is feeling better today.  She stayed at my Grandma's house last night.  We try and keep the sickness contained, so we all don't get it.  I called this morning and she told me she was still asleep.  Wow, I said, I guess she went to bed at 7.  Whoa, that's unusual for her, she is such a night owl.  I said OK, just call me when she gets up.  She called back at 9 this morning.  That girl slept 14 hours.  She is feeling better though and will be back to school tomorrow.

Since the hubby wont part with his new IPhone, I am bugging him to get me one too.  I didn't think it would take this long for him to hate it, but he maybe he's just doing it to irritate me.  I know he keeps getting frustrated trying to use it, and keeps asking me to help him, but I am just as dumb as he is and keep telling him I don't know.  I think since we have to go to the store tonight for some stuff, I will try to butter him up, and just happen to suggest we go to wal-mart for the crap where an AT&T store is conveniently located in the same parking lot.  Maybe I can get dinner out of him too, hopefully the chicken is still frozen.....fingers crossed.

We have decided to see Alcatraz while in S.F. in a couple weeks.  Did I mention how excited I am for like the millionth time.  Just tell me to shut up.  I got on the website last night and he's really been wanting to see it for a while, so that is on our agenda for sure.  I did check out some restaurants on the wharf and so much yummy seafood available I am going to be in heaven.  I cant wait!!!

Well we hit the gym (mom and I) for the first time in over a month last night.  HUH, I would have rather stayed home on the couch.  We decided to put the gym on hold during the renovation.  It was tough, let me tell you, but I really needed it, cause the pants are getting a smidge snug.  And I don't want my ass reverting back to JLo's twin sister ass.  Hell it felt good to wear a bikini this year and not have my ass crack almost coming out of my bottoms because my ass was a little toooo plump.  So I must maintain!  It is worth it!

Happy hump day!

Letting Go!

All I can say is it's been an interesting week so far and it's only Tuesday!  First off, Saturday wasn't as bad as I had thought.  My son, who didn't want to ride the horse said he wanted to go and just watch, which was fine with me.  Then at the last minute he gets into one of his male PMS moods and doesn't want to go period.  Whatever, stay with your dad.  One less kid to worry about anyways.  So on our way down to the party, we stopped at the swim center in town, not my town, but the next, because they have this really nice indoor pool, with a mezzanine that looks over the pools and water slides, that you can have birthday parties at.  So we booked that and the kids will be having their parties together this year in an attempt to save some money.  And their Birthdays are only a week apart anyways soooo, makes it easier for mom.  We got to the horse thing and my daughter had a lot of fun, other then the constant smell of horse shit sitting there for 3 hours, it wasn't all that bad.  I didn't even complain about having to drive that far, I was nice and she brought us some magazines to read while we waited.  My daughter now wants a horse :(

We made our reservations for our trip, woo hoo!  Two more weeks and were out of here, I cant wait!  I set out to make the reservations on Saturday so he couldn't back out at the last minute, (hehehe) so were set and ready to get the hell out of here and go have some fun!  God knows we need it.

On Sunday we went over to moms cause he still has a few minor things to do over there, so we decided to do some more decorating shopping.  She got all her bathroom accessories, and stuff for her walls.  God I love Ross, you cant beat their prices on pictures and whatnot's.  I even got myself a fantastic pair of boots to wear with my skinny jeans, yay me.

So we have been going back and forth on this whole house situation.  Do we let it go or don't we?  Well the final verdict came yesterday.  I got the address for the place that supposedly our bank set up to help homeowners.  HA, what a fucking joke and a half.  He went in to talk to the lady and because we have one of those fantabulous adjustable rate mortgages, that the banks were handing out like candy 5 years ago, meanwhile fucking half the population when the rates went up.  Hell we refinanced once already into the same god damn thing, only this time it was fixed for 7 years (oh thank you countrywide for making me never want to own another house) and not 2.  So basically the lady told us we are screwed, and that they can modify our existing loan, but would have to refinance in 2 years anyways to make it a fixed loan.  Well now that our credit is all shot to shit, that aint going to happen, plus even if it wasn't, our house now appraises 100k lower then what we owe.  So bye bye house.  Anyone going through this knows what I'm talking about.  So my plan........live there rent free till they kick my ass out.  I wonder how much money I will be able to stock pile in that time?  I'm guessing a butt load since I pay way to much in house payments for the crap shack I live in.  So I'm giving BofA the big F-U, you will fuck me no more!

And now the girl has the stomach flu.......I'm sure we will all end up with it now. :(

WOOO HOOOO!

I am in a much better mood today.  Thank God!  I was beginning to think this PMS would never go away (neither did my hubby).  So anyhooo, Bipolar called in today.  Wasn't much of a shock, she started the whole, I am not feeling so good crap yesterday afternoon.  I think the whole office knew she wasn't going to be in today.....SHOCKING!  Makes my day go by quicker when I have to do her job too.  So at least there's an upside to it all.

I got a crazy hair up my ass today for dinner tonight.  I have decided I am going to try and make my own pizza.  I know, I know, why make it when it comes hot and fresh to my door you ask?  I think Betty Crocker has taken me over temporarily.  I thought the kids might have fun making their own dinner too.  Seeing as how I'm stuck with them BOTH, for the weekend.  Might as well do something to keep them out of my hair for the night.  If it sucks I will just call the good old delivery boy to cover up my mess.

So the hubby and I were talking this morning and still mulling over our anniversary idea trip to San Fransisco.  I told him if we booked the room 21 days in advance we could save $30.00.  He says how much time do we have?  I say till Saturday to decide.  He really wants to go to six flags and I really want to so into S.F.  so I said this morning cant we do both?  He asks like a good little boy, is that what you want?  I reply yes, that's what I want.  So now both of us are happy campers and I cant freaking wait.  We haven't been on a trip together since our honeymoon 4 years ago.  It's been 9 trying years, and we deserve it damn it.

So dickhead (step bastard) has been quite the little sneak lately.  I was checking my bank account and got my e-bill phone bill and was like WTF?  Why is it $30.00 more then usual?  I check the bill and SOMEONE subscribed to some streaming online radio crap.  I called the number and asked what it was and who signed up for it and they told me my hubby did.  AH, NO,  he wouldn't sign up for shit like that, he's barley on the computer only to check out EBay and Craig's list, and the occasional porn site (shrug).  This is way beyond his capabilities on a computer.  So I called him and made sure then ratted that little bastard out.  He better get to working soon, cause on top of the $40.00 he owes me for that fucking IPhone he had to have now he owes me more.  (sigh) 2 more years, 2 more years, then he's out on his ass.

Have a great weekend everyone, I know I wont :)

Could Anything Else Possibly Go Wrong Today?

You know I have to keep asking myself this same fucking question over and over again.......WHY ME?  Who could I have possibly fucked over in a previous life to deserve this karmic F-U?  It seems no matter what I do, something always ends up screwing me in the end.  Am I alone on this?  I keep coming up with the same answer.  I figure if I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all.  Like take for example this very minute.  I have been minding my p's and q's all day, working, not fucking around as usual, and the one time (like writing this), that will be the time the boss needs to come into this office and catch me.....lets say not working.  Huh and you know this all started this morning when I tried to get on my lap top at home.  Got up, got my coffee, got back into bed and decide I need to check my emails (OK, OK, I had to play froniterville) and the Internet wouldn't connect.  So I check the other lap top, nothing.  So I think maybe it needs to be closer to my computer.  Take it, set it right on the desk in front of my home computer and shut everything down, even the whatever you call it that makes the Internet work, and still nothing.  So I call Mr. DMV and is like WTF?  He says he cant get to it until Saturday.  UGH!  Great now hubby is going to be pissed when he finds out his computer doesn't work.

So there was a little snafu with our company letterhead.  They spelled one of the names wrong in the web address, down at the very bottom, in the smallest print imaginable.  And who of all people notice it?  Blondie, yep the same women who cant speak the English language right.  Figures.  You should hear some of the crap that comes out of her mouth, for example: the word slipknot, OK easy enough, her translation, snipcock?  Oh and here's one for you, the word blog, her translation blob.  So as I sit here blobbing so to speak, I wonder how in the fuck did she even notice it.  So it's my BFF's dad's shop that did the work.  She works there as well.  So I call her and am like there's a big mistake, she's like oh crap I'll fix it.  OK I say, tell the boss, makes her happy.  So she calls me this morning and says I don't have the paper, but have one slightly lighter then what you have, I say fine whatever, they wont notice anyways.  Her hubby drops it off and wouldn't you know it, I am on break and the boss sees it, checks it out, and yay, it still has the same mistake aaannnndd the paper is like 10 shades lighter.  Now she's pissed.  I don't entirely blame her, but crap, no, I get the backlash.......thanks BFF.  So third times a charm on this one I hope she gets it right this time.

So my grandma was suppose to have the girl tonight.  But now she has the stomach flu.  DAMN IT!  Oh yeah and I have her all weekend this weekend.  I'll have to remember to thank my great aunt for that.  Oh and for having her grand daughters birthday party half an hour away from town just to go to some ranch so the kids can ride horses.  I know your thinking ooohhh, that sounds like so much fun for the kids.  Yeah it does, but what about me?  I have to sit there for four fucking hours picking my nose cause your fat ass grand daughter wants to ride a horse?  Oh yeah and your totally ruining my entire Saturday, not to mention.  Oh and don't think you wont hear a lot of complaining from me, just like you bitched about my kids party at the bounce house place last year.  Oh sorry I had to have it on the same day as the fucking pumpkin patch, but I have two kids with birthdays one week apart, that was the only day available bitch.  And your retarded ass grand kids had a blast.  Not that I care, I hate those kids.  Ugh, more black sheep, like we don't have enough.  You know it's not like I care that I have the girl all weekend it's just, they fight like cats and dogs and when she goes to her dads house for the weekend it's a nice break for all of us.  That's the only upside to being divorced.  Hey if I divorce my hubby now I could stick him with the boy all weekend and be totally free.  AAAHHH don't you just love those pipe dreams.

Oh yeah so I forgot to mention my hubby got an I phone, cause his work switched to AT&T.  He's all excited about it and is like "everyone says it's so easy to use"  (snicker) Yeah if your not electronically challenged, like yourself.  He thought getting a touch screen phone was a great idea about a year and a half ago.  Didn't work out so well.  He HATED it.  So I say to him, when you get pissed off in a couple of weeks, I will be glad to take it off your hands for you.  I haven't renewed my contract yet and that way you can just go get yourself  (this is his list of demands from a phone) a phone with big buttons and a large screen, and a loud speaker.  I was half tempted to get him one of those phones for old people, you know the Jitterbug.  Hey it met all his requirements and plus he didn't even have to enter phone numbers himself, the operator does it for you.  HAHAHA, god he's old.  Gonna hit the big 41 next year, time for bifocals, and some depends.

Cant wait to she what kind of shit is in store for me when I get home tonight.  Well I can bet the girl will be all pissy cause her plans got all fucked up.  Lets see if dickhead can piss his dad off anymore tonight about the ongoing do I have to pay 200.00 to his oceanography class or just 100.00 since he doesn't need the scuba equipment because our friend lent him his debate (this has been going on for a week now) aannndd my daughter just called and is like why isn't grandma picking me up?  She was suppose to be here a while ago.  Well she's sick, (insert whinny girl voice here) WWWWWHHHHHYYYY?  Uh because she's throwing up and shitting her ass off that's why.  Her reply 'well is she still going to the party"  That's like 2 days away, can we talk about this later?  I'm busy blobbing.  I can see tonight is going to SUCK!!!!!

Got some much needed rest.

Well I got some rest this weekend and also found out how utterly lame I am.  It all started with Friday, the first day of my five day weekend.  I was suppose to go to the movies with mom, but that got all shot to hell when the hubby called on Thursday afternoon.  He says on Friday his company is having a picnic of sorts for their clients.  They are getting a bunch of ribs from the rib cook off that was going on this weekend, and I should take the day off and come, cause he really wants me to meet the people he works with. He didn't know I actually had the day off, so I told him I had half day, and was going to the movies.  He was like well that's OK, you don't have to come, but I could tell he really wanted me to.  So I put the movies on hold and like a good little wifey I went.  But before that I went to breakfast with mom, hit Penney's which pissed me off because I bought some pants on line for work for 19.99 and noticed they had the pants on sale for 14.99, ugh I should have just taken my lazy ass to the store.  I did get some tee shirts for 5 bucks though.  So after that I drove my happy ass to sparks for the BBQ.  OMG!  It was the most boring thing I have ever been to.  I met all the people he works with, yay, ate 2 ribs cause I was full from breakfast, and sweated my ass off, (literally) under an easy up on a plastic chair for 3 hours.  Oh good times, I'm glad I gave up a nice air conditioned movie for this.  It made him happy that I came though.  So afterwards, since the boy was staying the night with mom, I said we should go have some fun while were out and alone and not be so lame and old like we always are.  So someone suggested we go to this restaurant that has a pool hall and bowling alley in it.  OK that sounds like fun, so we get there way to early and decide to sit at the bar and have some drinks and an appetizer.  An hour later he goes to pay so we can go play pool or whatever and the waitress brings back his ATM card and says it was declined.  Oh great, so now I have to pay.  He's like WTF?  I just got paid yesterday?  Well good times a ruined, I say well lets just go home and check it out, because I no he's pissed and why bother trying to have a good time now.  So get home, check the computer, and there was a teller with drawl that day.  I say did you go to the bank today? He says no I went Wednesday to cash that check and that was it.  So we drive to the bank, thank god our friend works there and try to figure out what happened.  So long story short, he cashed a check Wednesday, the teller was new and lost the check, back office thought it was a customer with drawl instead of a check cashed and took the money.  FUCKERS, they ruined my good time.  It got fixed, went home ordered a pizza, watched the race and went to bed at 8, yep we are fucking lame.

Saturday I got up early because hey I went to bed at 8.  Went to the store, oh yes another fantastic store story.  We had breakfast so I think OK we are going to do this shopping with non of his diabetic tantrums and we don't have the kid so should be painless.  HA, nope, again halfway through the store, Mr. McGimp starts limping and is like oh my knees I just need to hurry up and get out of here.  Why me?  Cant we just shop without you bitching about something?  Oh and I didn't put the shit in the basket the right way.  Who fucking cares their going to bag it like shit anyways.  So after that lovely fiasco, I went to Penney's and got the sale price on the pants I bought.  Woo Hoo, I saved 21 bucks.  But still I have yet to see the credit in my bank account so I had to go dumpster diving for the receipts just in case I have to go back, which I'm sure I will, because things just cant go right for me.  On Saturday night we went to Red Lobster, oh yumm, I think I ate enough butter to give me a heart attack, but it was yumolicious.  I did make it to 10 that night, so I didn't feel as lame but it was a struggle let me tell you.  Oh funny thing, so the ribs on Friday didn't agree with the hubby (gave him some rotten ass)  So in order to keep me from throwing up my dinner, he was opening the front door and blowing them outside.  About the fourth time he got up he said the last time I got up someone walked by the house as I let one go (and he isn't quiet about it either)  So as he says this while a huge fart escapes his ass he hears some laughing and someone else was walking by as he let one rip.  He quickly slammed the door and was like that was embarrassing, your gonna have to suffer now cause I'm not going out there again.  I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.  And then lit a candle.

Sunday was uneventful, got the boy from moms made some ribs for dinner (and oh yes more ribs for his stanky ass) and watched the race and went to bed.  I did manage to make it to my movie yesterday, it was pretty good then just hung around the house, getting geared up to start the work week, which brings us to today.  Only four more days to go. 

This is it.

Last night after picking up the kids and dropping the girl off at my moms, we went home and started on the boys first thing of homework.  He had to draw a picture of himself, write his name and write something that he thought was special about him.  Well after a minor fight about what color a brown crayon is, he's 7 and he knows his colors, so I don't know what the problem was.  He pulls like every color out of the box from red, green, to purple and says what color is this?  Is it brown?  NO, finally I got irritated and went over pulled the brown out of the box and said this is brown.  It still baffles me this morning, I am starting to wonder if he's color blind or just lazy.

So I tried a new thing last night with the nightly chicken.  I have been growing a bunch of stuff in the garden this year and thought I'd go all gourmet and make some pesto.  I found a recipe that was for over chicken and gave it a whirl.  It came out pretty good, and it was easy, however it called for a little to much lemon juice.  The look on my hubby's face was hysterical when he took his first bite.  Pucker up baby!  I think next time I will cut it in half, otherwise it was pretty tasty. 

It turned out to be a nice quiet night without the girl around.  Everyone relaxed, and there was no fighting, it was great.  So I brought up our anniversary, which is coming up at the end of the month.  Last year I wasn't in the mood and kind of poo pooed it (lucky him) but this year I want to do something.  I told him I wanted to go somewhere that was close, but not here.  Like a weekend getaway or something.  So he says like do you wanna get a room in Reno?  No, that sounds OK but really after the 15 minutes of my "wifely duty" then what are we going to do?  I can only walk around the same casinos so many times.  And then we get all bored and end up going to bed by like 8 or eating again cause there's nothing better to do.  So I suggested maybe going to San Francisco for the weekend.  It's not far and it's not here, or staying in Vallejo, and going to the amusement park.  He was actually on board with the ideas.  Thank God.  Now with everyones birthdays coming up in October and November, and then SUCKY Christmas, lets see if we actually save enough money to get to do this.  I really hope so cause I think it sounds like fun.  And we never do anything like that.  AAAANNNDDD  maybe I will be a good wife and give him a whole 30 minutes of the "wifely duty" this time.  :)

So I am off tomorrow, YES, thought I'd give myself a nice 4 day weekend.  Mom and I are going to see a movie tomorrow, then it's Red Lobster on Saturday night.  Woo Hoo.  And I might......might decide to clean the house on Monday,  depends on if I feel like moving from my computer or not.

Back To Normal.

Things are finally getting back to normal at home.  It's really nice to come home, make dinner, and relax till it's time for bed.  On Monday, I got home from work sat down on the couch for a few and decided you know what, I'm putting on my jammies.  Keep in mind it was 4:50 in the afternoon, but still, I had no where to be so jammie time it was.

Well in getting back to normal, I didn't miss picking the kids up from school and listening to them fight all the way home.  Seriously it makes me want to drive the car off a cliff every time I have to drive them somewhere.  Then the fighting usually continues when we get home.  Last night they went out to ride their scooters in the driveway.  Not 2 fucking minutes go by and bam, the arguing starts.  Are you kidding me?  You two cant even ride your scooters without fighting about something.  I called them both in and said, if I hear anymore, your both coming in and not playing anything.  So they run back outside and the fighting commences.  So I yell for them to get their asses back in the house and they need to separate.  I sent both to do something in their own rooms.  Well that didn't last long.  I was making dinner and the girl says can I help?  Fine what ever shuts you up.  Then the boy comes into the kitchen and sits on the counter watching me stir the macaroni.  The water starts to boil up a little so I blew on it to make it go down.  This intrigues the kids and first the girl blows on the pot, then the boy says stop blowing on me with your yuck breath, then I tell them both to shut it, and the boy starts blowing in the girls direction.  MOM, tell him to stop blowing at me.  OH FOR FUCK SAKE, both of you get the hell out of here before I dunk my head in this boiling water.  This I guess hurt the boys feelings, Mr. Sensitive he is.  Runs to his room and starts crying as loud as he could.  The hubby's like what did you do.  I said nothing.  He'll get over it.  So the hubby has to go play the good parent and tells him that his sister is a meany pants, and he will play the playstation with him after dinner.  HAHA sucker, you fell right into his evil plan.  So guess who got to sit on the couch and watch whatever she wanted and guess who got stuck playing video games, which he HATES.  I cant even get this man to play cards with me.  I guess something good came out of it.....for me anyways.  I finally rescued him after an hour and a half, telling the kids they needed to get in the shower.

After a rest full night of sleep, the girl wakes up really freaking early this morning.  And as soon as they got ready for school and sat down for breakfast the fighting starts back up. But this time it involves kid #3, who is my friends little girl who I take to school in the morning.  Between the 3 of them grating on my last nerve, I'm like eat your damn breakfast and lets get the hell out of here.  Back to the car, where I am trapped in a small space with 3 fighting kids under the age of 10.  YIPPEE.  I asked my mom last week while in the store, why didn't you tell me it was a bad idea to have kids.  She said I don't know you wanted one.  Well did the thought ever occur to you I might not be the best candidate for being a mother?  When I was like 1 and hated all baby dolls?  Like up until I was 6 or so I would beat the crap out of them and throw them against the wall. If I were her I would have put me in therapy.....SCARY.  Hence, not motherly, I don't even like other peoples kids.  But here I am, two kids in tow, I love them, but crap they drive me nuts.  I heard on a radio show that being a parent drives you to temporary insanity.  I can believe that.  So tonight the girl is staying at my moms for the night.  Oh thank god a night without fighting.  The kids are great if the aren't together, but sheesh, I am getting tired of listening to myself yell when they are.